Stop Pretending These Are Privacy Laws — The Real Problem Is the People Writing Them
It’s starting to feel like all I write about is Privacy these days. The problem is that anytime I want to write something relevant and not about privacy I’m initiated by headlines that scream about “internet safety” and “security,” yet somehow nothing these people are doing actually helps anyone. We’ve officially entered the Age of Fake Privacy, where lawmakers parade around with bills that sound important, look official, and accomplish absolutely nothing except making lobbyists richer.
They hold hearings. They wag fingers. They pass bills with names like “Digital Safety Enhancement Act” that function like wet cardboard in a hurricane.
And nothing changes. Nothing improves. Nothing protects you.
Because these laws aren’t written for you — they’re written for the industries that profit from knowing everything about you.
The Lobbyists Are Winning — Big Data, Big Pharma, Big Retail
Let’s stop pretending the “privacy crisis” is some mysterious force of nature. We all know exactly who’s eating well:
- Big Data, selling your browsing history like it’s a clearance rack
- Big Pharma, targeting you with ads based on your 2 AM symptom‑spiral
- Big Retail Conglomerates, tracking every click, scroll, and hesitation so they can sell you socks you looked at once in 2019
These are the same companies that run commercials about how much they “care about your privacy,” right before asking for your birthday, phone number, home address, and a short essay about your childhood trauma.
And lawmakers? They’re not stopping it. They’re not even slowing it down. They’re just throwing bills into the air like confetti while lobbyists sweep up the profits.
The Government’s “Privacy Solutions” Are So Bad They Loop Back to Comedy
Take the new wave of adult‑site age‑verification laws. They claim they’re “protecting children,” but here’s how it actually works:
Adult sites get fined if they don’t verify your age. So what do kids do?
They install Chrome. They don’t make an account. They stay signed out.
Then they go to Google.com and type something exotic like “boobs.”
Click Images.
Tada! There they are.
And if they’re blurry? Just go to Settings → turn off “Blur adult content.”
No ID. No verification. No roadblocks. No “think of the children.”
Now, go uninstall Chrome For Your Privacy!
Google literally hands it to them like a complimentary mint.
So should Google be fined because a 10‑year‑old just saw that? Should Chrome be fined? Should the parents be fined? Should the keyboard be fined?
And before anyone says “Well, that’s different,” let’s be clear: Google doesn’t just show National Geographic. It lists the actual adult sites. You can click them. You can visit them. You can get your fix without ever age‑verifying anything.
So what exactly are these laws protecting?
Because it’s definitely not kids.
And the Funniest Part? They Couldn’t Even Think of the Real Fix
If lawmakers ever DID think of something like “ban keyboards,” it would backfire instantly because their own lobbyists would drag them into a conference room and explain, slowly, with diagrams, why that would destroy their entire business model.
So no — they didn’t think of it. They couldn’t think of it. They’re not that creative.
The Real Fix: Stop Volunteering Your Privacy
Here’s the part nobody in power wants to say:
The biggest privacy leak is us.
We type our personal information into every glowing box that asks for it. We sign up for sites that demand our entire biography before letting us comment “lol.” We fill out forms like we’re auditioning for a reality show called Who Wants to Be Doxxed?
If it’s not free, it’s not for me — and if it is free but wants your birthday, phone number, and mother’s maiden name, it’s not free at all. It’s a data vacuum with a login screen.
Free sites can exist without trackers, spyware, or “personalized experiences” that feel more like surveillance. Entertainment sites, information hubs, video platforms — all of them could run on ads, donations, or community support. But that doesn’t make anyone rich, so here we are.
Throw Away Your Keyboard (Our Solution, Not Theirs)
Since the government refuses to fix anything, here’s the real solution:
Stop typing your personal information. Better yet? Throw away your keyboard.
Not because the government said so — they didn’t. Not because they thought of it — they couldn’t. But because it’s the only foolproof way to stop feeding Big Data, Big Pharma, and Big Retail the information buffet they gorge on daily.
No typing = no leaking. No leaking = no data to sell. No data to sell = lobbyists crying into their expense‑account lunches.
Honestly, it’s the first privacy solution that might actually work.
Dirt‑In‑A‑Bottle Takeaway
We don’t need more incompetent laws. We don’t need more fake privacy bills written by people who think “the cloud” is a weather pattern. We don’t need more ID checks, more data grabs, or more “safety initiatives” that make the web less safe.
We need sanity checks for the people writing them. We need users who stop typing their personal information into every glowing box that asks for it. And we need to remember the simplest rule of all:
If the internet feels unsafe, it’s because the people in charge of protecting it aren’t safe.
About the Author
Jaime 
Kelly