In what can only be described as a breathtaking feat of legal gymnastics, America’s 501(c) nonprofits—those selfless entities dedicated to making the world a better place—have mastered the fine art of using tax-exempt status to rake in mountains of cash while asking everyday Americans for even more.
Take the widely adored “Save the Woodland Fairies” Foundation, which, according to its latest tax filings, spent 87% of its revenue on “operational costs” (otherwise known as executive bonuses, luxury retreats, and a brand-new coffee machine imported from Italy). Meanwhile, its actual fairy-saving programs received the remaining 13%—a budget just enough to buy one bag of glitter and a motivational TED Talk from someone who once walked near a forest.
And who could forget the notorious “Association for the Preservation of Whatever This Is,” a nonprofit dedicated to raising awareness about vaguely defined problems with mysteriously high revenue and suspiciously little action? Donors have reportedly received emotionally manipulative emails every two days, urgently reminding them that without their contributions, some unspecified thing will be absolutely doomed.
But what’s the real kicker? These philanthropic masterminds don’t even have to pay taxes on their earnings! That’s right—their financial wizardry allows them to siphon money from hardworking Americans while dodging Uncle Sam entirely. If only ordinary citizens could get a piece of that sweet tax-free pie, perhaps we’d all be running nonprofits for ourselves.
The evidence is clear: it’s time we abolished this criminal activity once and for all. But how? Perhaps with a new nonprofit—The Society for the Elimination of Shady Nonprofits (SESNP). With your generous donations, we pledge to do absolutely nothing, hold a few overpriced networking luncheons, and pay our board members six figures to nod thoughtfully at meetings.
Who’s in?
Disclaimer: The above article is satire. Not all nonprofits are fraudulent, but some certainly make it hard to trust the system! Just like the homeless, that we will all be eventually , if we don’t remove the bad actors in every situation.
About the Author
Daniel L 
Kelly 
