“Childless Millennials Throw Lavish Mother’s & Father’s Day Parties to Celebrate Their Own Freedom”
Kelly 
This past weekend, streets across the country were flooded with revelers as hordes of child-free millennials threw extravagant celebrations in honor of Mother’s Day and Father’s Day – for themselves.
“For years, we’ve watched parents get pampered while we carried the burden of overpriced brunch reservations and last-minute greeting card runs,” said 28-year-old Chad, a self-proclaimed ‘non-parenting advocate.’ “So this year, we decided to reclaim the holiday and celebrate the people who truly deserve it—us.”
Across the country, Millennials and Gen Zers hosted wild parties themed around “What We Could Have Been Doing If We Had Kids”, featuring bottomless mimosas, uninterrupted naps, and the rare privilege of making impulse purchases without fear of ruining a child’s college fund.
“I woke up at noon, drank a latte in peace, and spent my entire paycheck on a last-minute trip to Bali,” said 32-year-old Sophia. “I just want to take a moment to thank myself for making responsible life choices.”
Meanwhile, actual parents expressed frustration over being overshadowed. “I can’t even book a table for brunch anymore,” complained father-of-three Mike. “They took all the reservations for their ‘No Kids Club’ celebration, and now I’m stuck eating cold waffles at home.”
In response to growing backlash, the child-free partygoers remained unapologetic. “We spent years watching exhausted parents get roses, chocolates, and handwritten notes,” Chad continued. “It’s time society acknowledges the sacrifices we didn’t make. We deserve this.”
Next Up: Millennials petition to rename “Father’s Day” to “Financial Freedom Recognition Day.” Stay tuned.
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