Scientists Warn of New Epidemic: “Decision Fatigue from Too Many Streaming Services”
Jaime 
In a groundbreaking study that has Netflix executives nervously refreshing their dashboards, researchers at the University of Helsinki have officially classified “Streaming-Induced Decision Fatigue” as a public health concern.
The condition, informally known as “Show Scroll Syndrome,” is characterized by an endless cycle of menu scrolling, trailer-watching, and abandoning choices — often culminating in rewatching a comfort show for the ninth time.
“We saw an alarming 64% increase in patients reporting anxiety, frustration, and mild existential dread after more than seven minutes of browsing,” said Dr. Elina Korpela, lead researcher on the study. “One subject spent so long deciding what to watch that the streaming app logged him out for inactivity. He reported feeling ‘empty but weirdly proud.’”
The report also suggests that decision fatigue may have ripple effects across society. “Our data shows people are skipping meals, avoiding texts, and delaying important life decisions — like taxes — because they’re stuck trying to pick a show,” said Korpela.
In response, several streaming giants are rumored to be testing “Surprise Me, but Make It Good” buttons, as well as AI-curated recommendations that use biometric feedback. A leaked prototype apparently uses a device’s camera to scan a user’s face and suggest a title based on their micro-expressions, stress levels, and perceived childhood trauma.
Critics are divided. Some argue that having 14,000 hours of on-demand content is the pinnacle of human achievement, while others claim we may be witnessing the collapse of leisure as we know it.
“Humans were never meant to choose between 87 true-crime documentaries in one sitting,” said media psychologist Dr. Aaron Ziegler. “It’s like handing a caveman a Cheesecake Factory menu and telling him to hurry up.”
Until a solution is implemented, researchers recommend that households appoint a “Streaming Captain” — a designated person who makes all viewing decisions for the group — or simply close their eyes and click the first thumbnail that doesn’t feature a murder investigation.
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