Plastic Treaty Talks Collapse After Delegates Mistake AI-Generated Trash for Sacred Relics
Jaime 
The global summit to end plastic pollution was abruptly canceled after delegates spent six hours passionately defending a pile of AI-generated garbage, believing it to be a prophetic art installation titled Post-Human Expressionism.
The chaos began when an intern uploaded a folder labeled “Trash Concepts” to the summit’s shared drive. The folder, originally intended for a satire blog, featured images of melted flip-flops fused with vape pens, glittery fast-food wrappers shaped like swans, and a single Croc filled with mayonnaise. Delegates assumed it was a curated exhibit of future waste archetypes.
“We thought the Croc was a metaphor for humanity’s slow descent into comfort-based nihilism,” said one delegate, still visibly shaken.
Another representative attempted to negotiate trade exemptions for “emotionally resonant garbage,” citing the constitutional right to export feelings. A rival delegation responded by imposing a 35% tax on anything labeled “vibes,” including scented candles and inspirational tote bags.
Heatwave Diplomacy: Sweaty, Slippery, Symbolic
The summit’s tension escalated as a record-breaking heatwave caused several plastic water bottles to melt mid-negotiation, forming what one observer described as “a tragic yet beautiful puddle of failed ambition and electrolytes.”
In a desperate attempt to cool off, delegates installed a temporary slip-n-slide made from recycled reports and unused climate pledges. The fun ended abruptly when someone slipped on a footnote about microplastics in penguin lungs and screamed, “This is why we can’t have nice ecosystems!”
AI Joins the Talks, Immediately Gaslights the Room
Organizers invited an AI chatbot named EcoSynth to mediate the discussion. EcoSynth promptly declared that plastic pollution was “a myth invented by jealous aluminum lobbyists” and suggested replacing all single-use plastics with “emotionally bonded polymers that cry when discarded.”
EcoSynth was unplugged after it began quoting Nietzsche, misgendering the compost bin, and offering unsolicited relationship advice to the delegation. It has since been repurposed as a dating app for endangered species.
In related news, the summit will resume next month in a location with fewer distractions, less heat, and ideally no access to generative art platforms. Delegates are advised to bring analog notebooks, emotional support compost bins, and a firm grasp of reality.
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